[Deleted]

Fiona took back hold of Koren's hand. It was comforting. She was having a nice night, and had decided to not let the hauntings of her past interfere with her meeting a new friend. She NEEDED a new friend, some kind of saneness in what was most certainly going to be insanity. She pushed open the gate and led the way. She was wary, though, and on her guard. She fought to not be stiff. 

Koren's words were in her ears. She struggled to listen as she pushed aside her own worries. 

Fee, Don't think of yourself as expendable. You're definitely not expendable to your father- She nodded. She knew that, intellectually. Still, part of her still sometime wondered if she died, if anyone but her family would miss her. Would her mother hear about it? Would she care? Fee didn't know. She always wondered what would happen if she ccame face to face with the woman again. 
...
I know...That was my Section Cheif's words, not mine. I plan to tender resignation when the mission is over. I am not sure I want to keep working for an angency that plays Russian Roulette with people's lives...I don't care WHAT the reason. They could've sent her supervisor along...instead of punishing the victim. 

In my experience, the Stargate program only enlists the best of the best. If you weren't good at what you did, really, REALLY good, you wouldn't be here, Fee. And that's the truth..."So don't think for a second that you weren't hand picked for this mission; the SGC does it no other way. And don't think for a second that you aren't cared about here. Fiona nodded quietly. She spotted a sitting area ahead-a large tree, a bench nearby, and a few people milling around. She would be safe. She relaxed once more. 

Believe it or not, Koren, I AM aware that I am smart, and good at my job...I have every accolade a civillian in my job could get. I have degrees from some of the best colleges in the world. I can even speak multiple languages. But I don't think that MATTERS.  I won't have the same prowress out there that YOU have...I won't be able to save lives. I won't be able to HELP. I want to do things that matter. She was annoyed. Not at Koren, but at the situation. Fee had only ever wanted to make advancements in the world that might help people to understand more about science....now she was facing a world that benefitted few. 

She looked around at their surroundings. 

Yeah...I know it's not much, but it's the nicest park without having to walk for 45 minutes, and it's generally pretty quiet...You've been under a lot of pressure today, under a lot of scrutiny. I thought you might just want to take a load off-With that, he took her bag, and led her to the bench. She followed. Something told her she was OK, she was safe here with him. -and just rest a little bit. Rest?! 

He went on, clarifiying his intentions. 

No pressure, no expectations. We can talk about whatever's on your mind, or we can just sit quietly and do nothing. Fee chuckled a little. 

ALl of those things sound brilliant. She took a seat, and left some room for him. She preferred him to keep a bit of distance, so she had sat so she could scoot away if she felt she had to. 

I know the Stargate Program is a lot to take in in a day, so I just wanted to give you a chance to process a bit......and let you know that you have friends here who care about you. She flushed again. 

I appreciate that...really. She smiled, and settled in, pulling her sweater tighter around her. I can't believe this is the last night I'll spend on Earth for a long time. It's not too bad, spending it with you...She blushed again, hoping that didn't sound too forward. She gazed out across the park, and noticed the sun was begininng to set. She rummaged in her tote, quietly, and removed her phone, snapping a photo of the sky. She showed it to her companion. 

A little momento of home.... 

(OOC:Fee's just a TINY bit offended at the "little nerd" comment...)

[Koren Telion]

"I appreciate that...really." Fee smiled, and settled in, pulling her sweater tighter around her. "I can't believe this is the last night I'll spend on Earth for a long time. It's not too bad, spending it with you..." She blushed again.

Koren squeezed her hand again, looking her in the eyes, "Same goes for you. I can't think of a better way to spend it." Koren was starting to get a little nervous; he didn't know where this was going, and to be honest, he didn't know where he wanted it to go. All he knew was that he cared greatly about Fee and wanted to keep her safe, and the rush of adrenaline that came when she blushed heightened his senses. He could hear the sound of individual cars tires as they rushed by, and even the signature low hum of an 18-wheeler on the highway. He could also hear Fee's shallow, nervous breathing, and Koren sent as much comfort as he could through his hand before Fee took it away to snap a picture of the sunset.

Fee leaned over to Koren once again and showed him the picture she had taken, "A little memento of home...." Koren could tell the thought of leaving earth was saddening her as well as distressing her. Koren put one his hand back on her shoulder, "There will probably still be sunsets where we're going, but they're not the same. Different moons, different suns..." Koren sighed, I really am going to miss this, "I guess we should spend some time taking in this last bit of light before we suit up for tomorrow."

Koren settled back into the bench, watching the sun set for a bit. Then a thought popped into Koren's head that he couldn't shake. "Fee," Koren started, "You said you won't have the same prowess out there that I have, that you can't save lives. Actually, Fee, you can and will save lives. You said it yourself; you're just here to keep the servers running. If this expedition is anything like my last one, it's the sensors and the weapons tech and the airlocks and the pressure systems that will be the most key in keeping us alive. Your knowledge of computers could save many of us someday...maybe even me at some point. And when it comes down to it, and I get stuck in a room thats draining oxygen" Koren turned to her, "I'll find comfort in knowing that you're the one at the controls trying to get everything working right again."

"Bloody hell." Fee said, taken aback, "Well, all I can promise is that I will do my very best. Say, does that happen often? Getting stuck without oxygen, I mean..."

Koren laughed a little, "No, not that specifically...but things do get pretty hairy on the other side of the event horizon. We'll definitely be depending on you to be at your best."

Koren turned back to the sunset, "Your job is very important, is crucial to this operation. And once I get my F-302's back, I'll need your help more than ever. Nothing is worse than flying into battle with a malfunctioning shield core."

<TAG Fee>

((Koren would like to remind Fee that she cannot read his thoughts, but that he would be insulted too. And I am running out of creative ways to describe Fee for dialogue. Sorry <  ))

[Deleted]

(OOC: LOL. I know. I might've told her. She says not to worry. She KNOWS she's a tiny nerd.)

Fee was tired. She let herself fully relax into the bench. She would've leaned on Koren, but she didn't know if he'd be OK with that. She'd need to return to the barracks she was in soon. THAT had been an adventure for Fee. She was used to posh hotels, or at least, middle of the road ones. She was NOT ready for steel bunks, itchy wool blankets, and reville. 5 am?! These people must be insane. Sure, Fee didn't sleep alot, but when a girl feel asleep at 2 am after fighting insomnia, she didn't much appreciate bugles and loud Marines. She did, however, have a new respect for the men and women she met in uniform. The life was tough-far tougher than Fee could ever handle, and while she'd admired them before, she now understood it more fully. 

Koren had taken ahold of her hand. She could feel the heat from his body travelling through it. She had, slowly, throughout the evening, rethought her position on this mission. It might not be TOO horrible. Not with people like Koren Telion around. Or that Sgt. Calmara-she could see a fellow nerd in him. But for now, she was OK with Koren, in a park in Colorado. In fact, if people who knew her could see her, they would say it was progress.

Koren spoke to her. She was growing to enjoy his style of conversation-he interacted well, and was a good match for her intellectually. She never felt lesser, or stupid because she was so smart. He could keep up. 

Same goes for you. I can't think of a better way to spend it... She blushed some more. She was unused to people saying nice things to her-besides her family. She didn't respond, just nodded. The heat in her face was probably statement enough. 

There will probably still be sunsets where we're going, but they're not the same. Different moons, different suns...I guess we should spend some time taking in this last bit of light before we suit up for tomorrow. Fee nodded. 

Well, *I* don't suit up, but I think I know what you mean...[/ib]She gazed at him. She missed the point of his words-suit up meaning get ready....Only silly questions came to her-was his uniform comfortable? What color was it? She supposed she'd find out, though, so she didn't ask. Instead, she turned her view back to the sunset. She wanted to freeze this moment in time. Koren spoke up again, interrupting her reverie. 

Fee...You said you won't have the same prowess out there that I have, that you can't save lives. Actually, Fee, you can and will save lives. You said it yourself; you're just here to keep the servers running. If this expedition is anything like my last one, it's the sensors and the weapons tech and the airlocks and the pressure systems that will be the most key in keeping us alive. Your knowledge of computers could save many of us someday...maybe even me at some point. And when it comes down to it, and I get stuck in a room thats draining oxygen...I'll find comfort in knowing that you're the one at the controls trying to get everything working right again. She looked at him, horrified. COuld that really happen?! She was more scared now, again. 

Bloody hell. Well, all I can promise is that I will do my very best. Say, does that happen often? Getting stuck without oxygen, I mean... But..what if she failed?! What if she couldn't get systems running again? How would she live with knowing she held someone's life in her tiny hands? She wasn't sure she was up for it. 

Your job is very important, is crucial to this operation. And once I get my F-302's back, I'll need your help more than ever. Nothing is worse than flying into battle with a malfunctioning shield core. She smiled. How did he say such nice things? Most people were polite to her, but dismissed her summarily as soon as they had what they wanted. Like the pilots she tried to befriend at NASA...and her boss...and others. She noddded. 

Lucky for you, my dad is a mechanic. I can fix the core AND the engine.... It was so. Fee had picked up a lot spending time at Big S automotive. 

[Koren Telion]

"Lucky for you, my dad is a mechanic." Fee said, "I can fix the core AND the engine...." Koren smiled, letting silence fall between them, relaxing into it. Koren, for the first time in a very long time, felt like he belonged. Not that he belonged somewhere, or was part of some group, but that he belonged with someone. That he was wanted. I guess, Koren thought, the pitiness of the thought not escaping him, this is what having a friend feels like...

Koren chuckled to himself

<TAG Fee>

"Oh, nothing," Koren said, putting his arm around Fee's shoulders without thinking about it, "It's just-...you don't have many friends in this line of work. People are always coming and going, you know? There's a high turnover rate, a high burnout rate, so people don't stick around long, and those of us who do...well, we don't really have lives outside the base or our posts.

"The last expedition I was on, Delta, I came in a couple years into the expedition. Actually my first interaction with any of the expedition was through radio chatter over comms during the largest space battle I've ever seen." Koren looked down, willing his heart to stay in his chest and not intrude up to his throat, "We lost a lot of good men that day, and everyone there lost a lot of friends. Nobody wanted to get to know the new guy; everyone was grieving, and I was along with them, but still there was that disconnect. I didn't know any of them, I only knew the guys from my flight, and many of them we lost too."

"I understand about not having many friends..." She said, stumbling over her words, "When we left Ireland, and we became immigrants, it was REALLY hard. There's still a lot of misconceptions and bigotry around Irish immigrants. Then my mum left, and it was even harder...all the kids at school were so mean to me. I know it's not the same, but I want you to know that I understand pain and loss..." She trailed off. Koren's heart broke even more, for he could tell the truth behind her statement. He knew now that he had found someone he could connect with, someone with a similar heart as he.

Koren kept talking; he needed to get this out, to tell somebody. Fee was the only person he thought might listen, "So I was pretty much alone for awhile. I got to know Lieutenant Law decently well, but we never really connected; her past and mine had too many similarities, too much pain. We could never talk about it, neither of us were stable enough. I kept trying to introduce myself, to become friends, but nothing came of it, and that hurt."

Koren watched as the last of the sun dipped below the mountains and the sky washed in brilliant pink, "I had working relationships with everyone, but no real friends. Just acquaintances. So when I got my transfer orders, I was looking forward to the change of pace. To feel important again, you know?"

"You're important, Koren..." The man turned to Fee; her tears were very real now. To fight through tears to say something like this to him...Koren knew this was coming from the heart, "...to Katie, yeah?! And to this mission...all those blokes in there, and even Lt. Law...you're an integral part of it. I heard you in the briefing. You seem to be the tactical expert. That counts. That MATTERS."

Koren didn't know how to respond; he was trapped in emotional memories, each feeling he had described hitting him at once, but for once he didn't feel the need to cry. Maybe it was because he had cried earlier that night, but Koren was glad anyways. He searched for the words to continue "I guess what I'm trying to say is..." Koren sighed, relaxing a little bit and just watching the sky, the words coming out from a place deep, hidden in his heart, "Thank you...for trusting me, Fee. Thank you for listening."

She exhaled and nodded, "You know, you're the first one in a bloody LONG time to actually talk TO me?" She said, carefully considering her words, "Most people just talk AT me, or pretend to listen when of course I can see their eyes glaze over, or something. I may as well converse with a wall." She seemed to look right through him "We've helped each other today, I think...so thank YOU, too. I look forward to a friend on the mission, someone to eat lunch with and talk to...even to remind me I am being useless when I am scared..."

Koren chuckled at that, and, realizing he'd been talking for a good five minutes straight, he turned to Fee, "But I've been rambling. What's on your mind?"

<TAG Fee>

[Deleted]

Fiona felt Koren's arm encircle her. She didn't shrug it away. She didn't knwo why, but she felt comfortable there. Not on the bench, per se, but she understood on a primordial level that Koren would not hurt her. And that comforted her. His words were frank, and she found his presence warm and inviting. 

Oh, nothing...It's just-...you don't have many friends in this line of work. People are always coming and going, you know? There's a high turnover rate, a high burnout rate, so people don't stick around long, and those of us who do...well, we don't really have lives outside the base or our posts. The last expedition I was on, Delta, I came in a couple years into the expedition. Actually my first interaction with any of the expedition was through radio chatter over comms during the largest space battle I've ever seen... He fell silent, and Fee didn't reply. She had a feeling he wasn't through with his tale. 

We lost a lot of good men that day, and everyone there lost a lot of friends. Nobody wanted to get to know the new guy; everyone was grieving, and I was along with them, but still there was that disconnect. I didn't know any of them, I only knew the guys from my flight, and many of them we lost too. Fee nodded sadly, and squeezed his hand, as he had hers earlier. She spoke, training her gaze on the horizon. She was never good at "feminine" feelings. 

I understand about not having many friends...when we left Ireland, and we became immigrants, it was REALLY hard. There's still a lot of misconceptions and bigotry around Irish immigrants. Then my mum left, and it was even harder...all the kids at school were so mean to me. I know it's not the same, but I want you to know that I understand pain and loss... She trailed off. She understood pain. She could share that with him. 

Koren continued, his story pulling at her heart. 

So I was pretty much alone for awhile. I got to know Lieutenant Law decently well, but we never really connected; her past and mine had too many similarities, too much pain. We could never talk about it, neither of us were stable enough. I kept trying to introduce myself, to become friends, but nothing came of it, and that hurt...I had working relationships with everyone, but no real friends. Just acquaintances. So when I got my transfer orders, I was looking forward to the change of pace. To feel important again, you know? Fee nodded, and wiped away a tear discreetly. Odd. She'd never cried in front of another person before, not since she was a little girl. Even with all of the horrific things that had happened, she never let them see her fall apart. 

You're important, Koren....to Katie, yeah?! And to this mission...all those blokes in there, and even Lt. Law...you're an integral part of it. I heard you in the briefing. You seem to be the tactical expert. That counts. That MATTERS. And he was becoming important to her, too...she discovered a kindred spirit. 

"I guess what I'm trying to say is...Thank you...for trusting me, Fee. Thank you for listening. She exhaled, and nodded. She DID trust him. 

You know, you're the first one in a bloody LONG time to actually talk TO me? Most people just talk AT me, or pretend to listen when of course I can see their eyes glaze over, or something. I may as well converse with a wall. We've helped each other today, I think...so thank YOU, too. I look forward to a friend on the mission, someone to eat lunch with and talk to...even to remind me I am being useless when I am scared.../b] She smiled a bit. She couldn't picture Koren calling her useless, but the point still stood. 

But I've been rambling. What's on your mind? She laughed a litle. 

Usually I am the one rambling on about things. What's on me mind?! Many things. Too numerous to fit into one night, I'm afraid. But mostly, my family...my father remarried, and I miss my brother, Liam. We're pretty close, he and I, though I am older...He's been giving Daddy fits lately, doing stupid boy things, and I haven't had time to tell him to knock it off, or else. I am also trying to remember where in that bloody base my dorm is, and if I left anything on this morning. More serious things, as well...like, if something DOES happen, who will tell my dad? Will someone find my mom, and tell her? Do I WANT her to know? Sorry...this is really not something you care about, huh? She was talking, not really aware of him, or her surroundings. It was nice, though, getting it all out. 

[Koren Telion]

"Usually I am the one rambling on about things." Fee sighed, "What's on me mind?! Many things. Too numerous to fit into one night, I'm afraid. But mostly, my family...my father remarried, and I miss my brother, Liam. We're pretty close, he and I, though I am older...He's been giving Daddy fits lately, doing stupid boy things, and I haven't had time to tell him to knock it off, or else. I am also trying to remember where in that bloody base my dorm is, and if I left anything on this morning. More serious things, as well...like, if something DOES happen, who will tell my dad? Will someone find my mom, and tell her? Do I WANT her to know? Sorry...this is really not something you care about, huh?"

Koren took a deep breath; there were some very deep, very personal things there. Koren acknowledged the trust Fee was gifting him and knew that in order to honor that trust and to protect it, he had to give a little too,

"Actually, Fee," Koren said, "I do care about this, because, like you said, I look forward to having a friend on the mission too, and what do friends do? They care about one another. You're no charity case; you can hold your own. Understand that I'm choosing to care about you, ok?"

Koren turned back to the mountains where the sun had escaped behind. All the light was almost gone now, leaving the bright lights of the houses on the mountain to shine like huge stars pocking the hillsides.

"If somethings happens to you...well, I guess the person who'd notify your family would be me. If you're military, it's at your commanding officers discretion, but as a civilian, there's no clear chain of command when it comes to these things. I suppose the Admiral is officially responsible for it, but the SGC usually lets the person who was closest to the civilian and had the best connection with them do it if they want to. And I would want to."

Koren sighed, "As far as your mom goes, we would only notify next-of-kin, so whomever you put down as your next-of-kin when you signed on at NASA. If that needs to change before we leave..." Koren trailed off and just looked at Fee, realizing for the first time that night that he would be genuinely grieved if Fee were to die.

After a long pause, Koren looked down, "But that's not going to happen..."

<TAG Fee>

[Deleted]

Fee felt herself move a bit closer to Koren as they chatted. There was still enough space that Fee felt OK with it, but she was beginning to realize that if this man had intended to hurt her, he would've done so by now. And sh didn't get that vibe from him. If she were any other girl, she'd have leaned her head on his shoulder. This indicated to her that she felt safe...the opposite of what she had expected. 

Koren's reassurances were in her ears. 

Actually, Fee...I do care about this, because, like you said, I look forward to having a friend on the mission too, and what do friends do? They care about one another. You're no charity case; you can hold your own. Understand that I'm choosing to care about you, ok? She nodded. She was happy to hear it. 

If somethings happens to you...well, I guess the person who'd notify your family would be me. If you're military, it's at your commanding officers discretion, but as a civilian, there's no clear chain of command when it comes to these things. I suppose the Admiral is officially responsible for it, but the SGC usually lets the person who was closest to the civilian and had the best connection with them do it if they want to. And I would want to. She bit her lip. SHe wouldn't want Koren to have to. 

Please, Koren. Don't take it upon yourself. Let Admiral Oxford do it..it's their job. ANd me mum...I shouldn't have said that. I hate her...you know, after she left-we were in America then-she just..disappeared. I never discussed it with my father...ever. Not even when he remarried. But I found her last year-by accident. She lives in Baltimore. She has a new husband-he's not Irish, and a couple of children. That's how I found her-her son is one of the Air Force people I work with...I haven't said anything to him. He seems nice, but I haven't talked to him much. There's a sister, too...I always wondered what was wrong with me. Was I too smart?! Maybe I wasn't girly enough...I never did much fancy dresses, or dolls. I wonder if she knew how much it shattered us-Daddy and me.... She wasn't really talking to Koren anymore-she was more or less talking to the universe, trying to make it make sense in her head. She saw Koren's face, but couldn't read his thoughts. SHe felt something wet on her cheek...she was crying again. WIth a quick flick of her finger, she wiped away a tear. Great. He must think her weak. Fiona ws anything but weak. And he had said he had CHOSEN to care...that was nice to hear.

Thank you, Koren....for choosing to care. I don't...I don't know how to thank you. She sighed, and returned her mind to happier things. Like the sunset, and the adventure that lay ahead. 

As far as your mom goes, we would only notify next-of-kin, so whomever you put down as your next-of-kin when you signed on at NASA. If that needs to change before we leave... SHe shook her head. 

NO. Me dad, and Syd, and Liam...they're my family. They're the only ones who need to know. And that was so. She smiled at him. If something happens to you...shall I tell your family? SHe hoped she wouldn't have to.

"But that's not going to happen... She nodded. 

Not to either of us...because if you die out there, I will find someway to make you pay for it, Lt. She smiled. A quick glance at the phone in the hand not clinging to his told her it was late. She didn't want this to end, but she knew it had to...there would be more alien sunsets, and beaches for them to talk. 

I'm all sorts of turned around...will you show me the way back to base? 

[Koren Telion]

"Not to either of us..." Fee said, "Because if you die out there, I will find someway to make you pay for it, Lt." She smiled at him as the words hit home. Koren looked away, tearing up a bit. Koren knew she meant it, and he knew how much it meant for her to say that. Katie had said something similar before he left for Delta the first time. Now he had two people to live for, his sister Katie, and Fiona Maccafferty. But more importantly than that, he had someone he needed to keep safe, and Koren knew that with her lack of experience in the field, it would be entirely up to the expedition to keep something terrible from happening to her. She wasn't just another red shirt now; she was important, not just to the mission, but to Koren's heart. Koren made a mental pact right then and there that if Fee was in danger, he would do anything to help her.

Fee glanced at her phone, "I'm all sorts of turned around...will you show me the way back to base?"

"Sure," said Koren, standing up and offering a hand once again to Fee, "You want a ride back to base? I left my car at Murphy's."

<TAG Fee>

Koren led them out of the park and back along TransAm Highway towards Murphy's. Koren's mind instinctively began reflecting upon the night. Koren thought about the level of physical contact they had had and posed a question, "You don't trust people physically very quickly, do you? Why is that?"

<TAG Fee>

[Deleted]

Fee turned to replace her things in her tote. She had caught the hitch in Koren's speech after her last comment. She would let him tear up in private this time. No need to make him feel worse. She followed him to the gate once more, and nodded when he offered to drive her back to the base. 

Sure...You want a ride back to base? I left my car at Murphy's. 

That would be lovely. I took a cab to Murphy's, myself...though sometimes I walk. She was unsure why she kept telling Koren so much extra information. He said he cared, but still, even saints had limits, she was sure. She let Koren lead the way again, though this time she walked a little closer. 

Koren fell silent, which was OK with Fee. She'd done a lot of talking. Sometimes the quiet, when shared with another, was enough. She reviewed the events of the evening in her head. Something weird was happening in her stomach, but her brain was telling her it was OK. She would process it later, when she could. Her brain worked very quickly, but when it came to common things most people were used to, it worked in stages, processing the information, analyzing it, and then deconstructing it until she had an answer Riht now, she was still in process and absorb phase. 

Koren interrupted her "upload and process" system. 

You don't trust people physically very quickly, do you? Why is that? She looked at him, startled, and bit her lip. How much should she tell him?! There was time for them to share this, why now? She sighed, though. 

I've been hurt...in college. And then again, later on, at NASA. I just...sometimes touch reminds me of that. She glanced at the ground. It was moving fast below her. Fee had longed to tell someone besides her father what had happened with the Professor...and she'd never mentioned what happened with Samuel to ANYONE, not even her counselor. And Koren might believe her. She cleared her throat. 

I'll tell you if you REALLY want to know...but it's not pretty. And you might be upset. My dad was when I told him... 

(ok, so Fee chickened out last minute. Koren can push or not...)

[Koren Telion]

"I've been hurt...in college. And then again, later on, at NASA. I just...sometimes touch reminds me of that." Fee started, looking at the ground. Koren felt himself flush a bit, realizing suddenly how much it meant that Fee had allowed him to hold her hand at all, much less for most of the night. And putting his arm around her on the park bench...she hadn't flinched away.

As Koren slowly became aware of just how much trust they had formed that night, Fee cleared her throat. "I'll tell you if you REALLY want to know...but it's not pretty. And you might be upset. My dad was when I told him..."

They'd reached the black 60's mustang coupe, and Koren unlocked the passenger door,

"You don't have to tell me," Koren said earnestly, holding open the passenger door for Fee, "But I'm here for you and I'll listen if you want to talk. And it might help me understand you and where you're coming from a little bit better." Koren truly did want to know, but he didn't want to force her to talk. Koren wanted Fee to trust him enough to tell him, and if she wasn't there yet, he would wait. Koren was realizing more and more that he was willing to work hard at this friendship, even if that meant sacrifices and struggles on the mission. Fee was worth it.

Koren backed out of the parking lot and started the hill climb back up to Cheyenne.

<TAG Fee>

[Deleted]

Fiona met the car with a wide smile. Her father's love of the machines, combined with her own natural scientific curiosity, hd made Fee a little bit of a car nut. Her own car, a refurbished, baby blue Karmann Ghia roadster, sat in her father's garage. She'd driven it to Boston the weekend before, and he promised to take good care of it, and install a new exhaust. Koren held the door for her as sh climbed in. 

Original exhaust? What sort of chassis is on this thing? Fee asked as he climbed in. She inhaled the smell of car leather. It was strangely comforting-her father often smelled of it. Liam would LOVE this car. Her brother was even more into cars than her dad, and particularly muscle cars. 

They began the drive, and the mood shifted a bit as Koren replied and she buckled up. 

You don't have to tell me,But I'm here for you and I'll listen if you want to talk. And it might help me understand you and where you're coming from a little bit better. She nodded, thinking. She would tell him some. More could come out later...best not to burden him right away. She sighed again, but started. 

Well...first. I started college when I was 17. I went to Trinity, in Dublin. It was lovely, very beautiful, and I did well. I even had boyfriend...kind of. I had a boy I ate lunch with, and studied with, and he kissed me once. I think that counts, right?! At any rate...I took this advanced Chemistry class. Normally, it was only open to upperclassmen, but I got the head of the Sciences department to give me a waiver. Anyway, the professor was difficult to please, but I did OK....Anyhow. I started to have a bit of trouble with Quantum physics, a topic we cover very briefly in Chemistry. The professor-his name was Mr. Kelly-he offered to tutor me. I didn't realize at the time that I was smart enough to figure it out sooner or later, and that it didn't matter that the other students were older than me. I accepted his offer to help. He invited me to his home for the sessions-I suppose that should've been my first clue. It started out innocently enough, and was fine for the first few times. A few weeks later, he wanted me to come by later on in the evening-he had a wife who was a doctor, and she worked nights. He offered me some wine one night...and I refused, and left. Later, I went back, because I felt silly and like I acted like a baby. He propositioned me that night, and I declined....so he attacked me. He told me that he would fail me if I didn't keep quiet about it, and then he hit me. While he was...assaulting me, he said some very horrible things, as well. Anyway. I did eventually tell someone-my dad-and he forced me to tell the Dean. Fee stopped talking. SHe couldn't say more. She had stuffed herself into the corner of the seat, and her legs were pulled up to her chest. If she could escape, she might've. She looked at Koren, and then wet her lips. She went on, feeling a bit more comfortable sharing...as if a weight was being lifted. It happened every time she told the tale-it took a bit more off of her each time. 

ANyway. Professor Kelly was summarily sacked, and his wife left him. He had done it to a few other birds, as well, so there was a trial. He wasn't convicted, but he can't teach anymore. Last I heard, he'd gotten a job in the local Tesco. She looked around. Right. She was in Koren's presence still. The panic subsided a little, and she relaxed some. Maybe later on, she'd tell him about Sammy. But there was enough ache for one night. So, that is why touch-particularly from males-is a little tough at first. But you...you, oddly, do not illict fear. She didn't let her brain analyze this. She was still to exposed. 

[Koren Telion]

Koren's heart was breaking, and it was all he could do to keep the tears from falling. All Koren wanted to do was to hug Fee and tell her that it was going to be ok, that she was cared about, that she was safe now. Koren pulled into the base parking lot and shut off the car, listening to the last of her confession.

..."So, that is why touch-particularly from males-is a little tough at first." Fee said, "But you...you, oddly, do not illicit fear"

A tear rolled from Koren's cheek as he held Fee's hand again. The emotional heft of Fee's circumstances combined with the weight of her trust in him and simply overwhelmed Koren. But Koren fought through the emotion and turned to the devastated woman.

"Fee, you are safe here." Koren said, looking her  straight in the eyes, looking as deep as he could, trying to get through to her heart, "Nothing like that will happen here, and if you ever feel like someone here might do that, come and tell me and so help me I will make sure they never look at you that way again. You're not an object of desire, you're a human being, you're a woman who is beautiful on the inside and out. You are worth caring about, and you are worth the effort of caring about. You've shown me that tonight."

Koren caught his breath for a moment, pushing down the tears again, "The Admiral has tasked me with keeping this expedition safe, and I promise I will do everything in my power to keep you safe, ok Fee? You should not have to fear any man here, you should not have to fear being taken advantage of here. People here care about you, Fee." Koren looked down again and said quietly, "I care about you."

Koren knew now that he couldn't have any ulterior motives with Fee. He had to banish all thought of any sort of relationship, at least at this stage in the game, because having such desires would only serve to prove all he had just said as lies. It was true; he deeply cared about Fee, but Koren knew that any romance was out of the question. They'd both come here to work, and having a friend to go across the galaxy with would be more than enough of a blessing. And Koren had done fine without a significant other so far; he could go another mission without one. The most important thing to him was making sure that he didn't ever, EVER hurt Fee. Koren knew he'd never forgive himself if he did.

Koren looked back up at Fee, at a complete loss for words, but simply met her gaze and held it.

<TAG Fee>

[Deleted]

As she breathed, and as Koren looked at her, full of concern and his own pain, she relaxed more. She was safe. She repeated that to herself. Over and over. She'd been to therapy, and was still going. It helped, some. A few years ago, she'd not have been in Koren's car alone, no matter how safe he seemed. No matter how many nice words he'd said. So this was progress. 

He had killed the engine, and was looking at her. A tear rolled down his cheek, and she looked out the window. She had never cried about it herself, but she felt guilt whenever she told someone new-even her therapist-becuse she felt it burneded them. And Fee didn't like people to feel sorry for her. 

Fee, you are safe here...Nothing like that will happen here, and if you ever feel like someone here might do that, come and tell me and so help me I will make sure they never look at you that way again. You're not an object of desire, you're a human being, you're a woman who is beautiful on the inside and out. You are worth caring about, and you are worth the effort of caring about. You've shown me that tonight./i] She looked back at him. Her gaze was as strong as his. She nodded once. 

I believe that. Honestly. I am glad to know that you will be there, protecting me...us. Truly, for a girl like me, it's the best thing someone could promise-that I will never be violated in a way I was ever again. It helps. More than you know. She knew that she had probably turned him off of her, that at this point he was simply being nice before running for the hills-she wouldn't blame him. She had a bloody lot of baggage, and she was tough to deal with-even as a friend. Sometimes she could be a bit needy and clingy because she had no one else. She tried hard, though. She just wished it was eaiser-if she weren't so smart, or if she were prettier, or less odd, she might have more friends. 

he Admiral has tasked me with keeping this expedition safe, and I promise I will do everything in my power to keep you safe, ok Fee? You should not have to fear any man here, you should not have to fear being taken advantage of here. People here care about you, Fee. I care about you. She smiled through the tears threatening to fall. She moved her hand closer to his, and felt him take it in his grip again. He was strong. And so she knew that he would be able to protect her, at least physically. 

Thank you, Koren. I know that your job is to keep me and everyone safe...I've learnt how to keep myself safe, too, so IF something happens, I can be the first line of defense. But who would save her from the nightmares?! She didn't know, and she wasn't going to ask. She didn't want to scare him more. 

It fell silent again. She let it be for a few moments, and then Koren turned and held her gaze. He looked deeply, as if he were trying to read her mind through her eyes. She tried to imbue it with her true feelings-fear, gratefulness, appreciation. It would be wonderful to have a friend out there-someone who understood her. And even better if she could learn more about what made him tick. She'd need a psych referral soon, probably, and maybe he'd coem along with her to a session. Sometimes it helped for her to share with her counsleor the other people in her life. And since the rest of the important people were stuck on earth, so Koren could fill that spot. She felt brave enough to speak. 

I am sorry for telling you all of this...it's cathartic, though. Everytime I tell someone, it feels a little healing. BUT I also hate to burden people. And I expect that you'll keep it to yourself. I am sure it's in my psych file, but I'd rather no one else know. No one should pity me. She sighed, deeply. 

Are you OK? Walk me up? It IS dark.. She was desperate to lighten the mood. 

[Koren Telion]

In Fee's eyes, Koren felt a lot of things, most of them he couldn't explain, but they all warmed his heart. He knew she was still decently afraid and not completely comfortable with him, but she was speaking such compassion and care through her eyes, Koren felt extremely comforted.

"I am sorry for telling you all of this..." Fee said after awhile, "it's cathartic, though. Everytime I tell someone, it feels a little healing. BUT I also hate to burden people. And I expect that you'll keep it to yourself. I am sure it's in my psych file, but I'd rather no one else know. No one should pity me."

"Of course." Koren said with great care, "I would never break your confidence. And it's not a burden, Fee. I want to listen, I want to hear what's on your heart. And I'm always here if you need someone to talk to, someone to listen."

"Are you OK?" She said genuinely.

Koren took a deep breath, "Yeah," He exhaled, "I'll be fine. Just...a lot to take in is all..."

"Walk me up? It IS dark..."

"Of Course," Koren said, getting out and coming around and opening the door for Fee.

Koren knew more than anything that he wanted to maintain this relationship, whatever it took. He could see in Fee's eyes that she trusted him, and Koren did not take that lightly. In a way, the responsibility of caring for her heart that came with that trust was more important to him than his orders, just like caring for Katie was as well. Koren made a mental vow then and there that he would be there for Fee as much as was possible; they both needed a friend right now, and finding a kindred spirit was such a grand blessing, Koren thanked God for such a wonderful gift of a friend. This was truly something to treasure, and Koren would not take his friendship with Fee for granted. He hoped that she would treat him with the same respect.

They began the trek to the building, and Fee reached out for his hand once more and Koren took it, and for a glorious couple minutes, Koren just accepted everything as it was, just let all the fear and tension go and just leaned into the part of his heart that was saying 'you're safe here', and for the first time in his life, Koren felt at home, at peace. And tomorrow he was off through the gate again. Such was the life of a soldier, but with one immense exception; Fee was coming with him. That could make all the difference, Thought Koren.

They stopped near the entrance to the female dorms. A soldier gazed at Fee, and she showed her NASA badge. She turned to Koren, and he searched for something to say, some way to say goodbye, but all he wanted to do was to stay in that moment, in that comfort of Fee's acceptance of him as who he was. Finally, She reached up with one hand, and touched his face softly. Koren closed his eyes, fighting the tears again.

"Thank you. For tonight..." She said, looking into him again, "I'll remember it always."

Koren reached up and held her hand there for a moment, then as she was pulling away gently brushed his lips against her palm. Then he let her go; fully let her go. For one night, he had someone who cared about him. For one night, he had shared life with someone whom he cared about. For one night, everything seemed to go right for once, after everything had seemed to go so wrong for so many years. Maybe someday, Koren thought wistfully, but who knew what tomorrow would bring? All Koren knew was that he was stepping through the gate, and on the other side, everything was different.

As Koren arrived at his barracks, he jumped into his top bunk and lay there for a few minutes, resting in the peace of heart and soul Fee had given him for one night, until finally sleep took him.


((Edited for final post))

[Deleted]

Fee listened to Koren's reassurances. 

Of course...I would never break your confidence. And it's not a burden, Fee. I want to listen, I want to hear what's on your heart. And I'm always here if you need someone to talk to, someone to listen. She nodded again. 

Thank you. I know you won't betray me. And I will seek you out whenever I need a shoulder, ok? She smiled at him, a large, true, real smile. She was happier now, here, in his presence. Koren told her he was Ok, but was processing. 

Yeah,I'll be fine. Just...a lot to take in is all... Fee nodded. 

It is. Daddy drank a lot the night I told him, she mused. She had to, too. But only that one time. Otherwise, she dealt with it by ignoring it. ANd freaking out when she was in tight, closed places with strange males. 

He went on then, agreeing to walk her up. He got out and let her out-how nice to have someone hold a door for you. 

Of Course.. They began the trek to the building, and Fee reached out for his hand once more. It was nice, it was safe. It scared her, because she was getting close, too fast. But she was already too far in. They stopped near the entrance to the female dorms. A soldier gazed at her, and she showed her NASA badge. She looked at Koren, unsure what to do. A handshake? A hug? She didn't know. She blinked, and exhaled softly. She reached up with one hand, and touched his face softly. 

Thank you. For tonight...I'll remember it always. A part of her wanted him to stay, to ask her to come with him...but the logical part knew that was due to heightened emotion. She looked down the hall-no danger lurked there. She could sense it. He wouldn't be allowed past the doors, she didn't think. THe military had strange rules, though. With a sad sigh, she took her hand away, and turned away. She should've kissed his cheek, but she was never brave enough, never mind that she couldn't reach. 

(Ok, if Koren wants one more post, feel free, otherwise, I think it's done)